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cybertrixxMoved from comments since it was taking up 4 pages.
Ugh. Why is it worryingly easy to slip into the mindset of both these characters despite them almost being polar opposites? Hopefully I managed to capture the painful sense of unwitting, innocent tragedy surrounding Izza's journey to the new world, and our dear Jezebitch's dark, scheming angsty descent into hate surrounding her failure to attain redemption.
Aestar, 1654
I picked up another today. I found him in a pool of his own vomit in the gutter, lost within the labyrinthe of his own empty intoxicated mind. Scum. Always scum. I suppose it shouldn't be any other way - only the lowest of the low, the most pathetic disgusting filth, would even consider joining one such as me. My reign presides over only idiots, heretics and madmen - the mind-addled and the hopeless.
More and more vessels cross the maelstrom, carrying fresh stock from the homelands. I am shortly to relocate to the other side of this continent - according to my contacts, who seem more than enthusiastic and welcoming, their land is far more fertile and ripe for me to spread the seeds of corruption. This can only be good for us. My Lord will undoubtably be pleased by my success so far - perhaps I can surprise him with yet another harvest of 'converts'?
Oh. I hate myself. It should not have to be like this. But it is the only way. I cannot tell my brother the truth - not yet. To do so would be to undo all I have worked towards.
***
Izza, 1654
A tree fell down and bumped daddy on the head and he didn't get up and I cried lots but he still didn't get up and it made me very very sad and now I don't have a daddy or a mummy and I only have chickens but they aren't very nice to talk to because all they say are bird noises from their funny yellow triangle mouths. I wish my chickens would talk to me. Maybe one day I can find a bird person to talk to.
Daddy used to say I was strong and brave. So did Father Donaldson who wasn't my daddy even though he was called father. He said I should go to find adventure and a new life in the new world where I wouldn't have to look after chickens. He said it's what daddy would have wanted me to do. If daddy wanted me to do it then I probably should do it.
I need to take my warmest clothes because one day I am going across the sea into the big swirly storm and the sea is cold and full of monsters and demons and if I am going to fall off the end of the world I should make sure I am warm and well dressed because monsters don't eat good girls who look smart and clean.
***
Aestar, 1655
So I wait here for yet another vessel to arrive. Today or tomorrow. Or next week, perhaps. I care not. Unlike those whom I walk amongst, I need not rest nor sleep, and care not for the passage of time. Each shipment brings more cattle, and I as keeper of my Lord's slaughterhouse must reap this grim harvest of souls.
Oh, to think that I once reaped souls for another entirely more wholesome master. And was proud of my grisly task. Would I go back, had I the chance?
Of course - without a moment's hesitation. To feel the warm embrace of their love, to look into the light and know the divine imperative once more...
I cannot allow such feelings. That was then. This is now. I cannot go back. My only imperative is to survive.
***
Izza, 1655
I am nearly packed and ready to go and soon I will travel across the sea all the way to the new world and I will meet funny tree people and talking rocks and snakes and bugs and make friends with them and then we can all be happy together.
Father Donaldson says I don't need to worry about the farm because everything will be ok and he will look after it for me and I shouldn't think about it because I should think about the happy place I am going to with all the friends I will make.
***
Aestar, 1655
The latest vessel brought yet more putrid effluence into my waiting arms - the most disgusting reprehensible surface run-off from the teeming millions of shining bright souls who populate the homeland. But there is hope - amidst the filth I found a vaguely promising one - he is capable of forming both coherent sentences and has even shown the occasional spark of intellect. Of course, his mind is addled by the ravages of the blue dust - but I think he has potential. Perhaps I will share with him a little more than the others. Perhaps I will show him the truth, and the true light. He could amount to something. He could be special. Powerful. His soul will shine with the light of a thousand stars, and burn with unbridled passion and fury. I will guide him towards his full potential.
Oh Merchant, do I not still do your work? Why have you rejected me? I only did what she asked - the last request of a dying woman who I dared to love. One mistake should not be enough to damn me forever!
***
Izza, 1655
Father Donaldson sent me to find someone who will take me to the new world. He said the captain is very nice and friendly, but I will need to nega-negi-nego-talk to him about how much money it will cost.
He is so nice to me. I will be sad when I am in the new world. But it's ok because I can talk to the funny rocks and trees and bugs and they will all be nice to me as well.
I wonder what a talking rock sounds like? Or a talking tree. I can't wait to find out. I need to close my eyes lots when I go across the sea so that I don't see the bad things waiting for me. Father Donaldson said if I don't talk to them, they can't hurt me. I wonder what bad things look like.
***
Aestar, 1655
No.
Not like this. I was so close. I walked amongst them. They were willing to listen. Even Varas was receptive - or at least, not entirely dismissive - regarding my plight. I had nicely cultivated a balance. Why...WHY? I have been betrayed by the stupidity of those mind-addled dragonsuckers. Now I am bound to my brother, connected to the world only through his mercy. It is my only chance at redemption. My only opportunity to have a hope of going back. I have willingly neutered myself in the name of the Merchant. I can do his work once more - they will see. I can prove myself. I can show that I am still an angel of light.
***
Izza, 1656
Today was boring. I don't like the sea anymore. It was all wet and stormy and I felt sick and then I was sick in my hat and it was all ruined and when I tried to clean it the wind blew really strongly and then it blew out of my hand and fell into the sea and I asked the captain to go back but he said he couldn't because we were passing through the gates of the -something I didn't understand because it was too long- into the other world and demons were waiting to eat our souls if we stopped praying for even a moment so he didn't have time to worry about anything so silly and now I don't have a hat.
I hope I can find a new hat when we get there because I will be sad if I don't. But I won't think about that because then I won't be thinking about the light of the true gods and the captain said if I do that then I will let all the bad things into my head and then he will have to throw me into the sea and I don't want that to happen so I will think about the gods instead.
I wonder what colour the Smith is. I think he should be pink. I like pink. There aren't enough pink things on this boat, apart from people but they aren't really very pink right now. They look all pale and green and unhappy. I should probably go to sleep now because it's very tiring thinking about things like the gods and I'm very tired.
***
Aestar, 1656
And so, it comes to this. Damn you, brother. Even you have betrayed me. Your hate has cast me aside, just as the hate of the gods did so many years ago. I know now I can never go back. There is nothing left of the creature of light I once was - you have stripped me of all I had. I have nowhere to turn. Nowhere to go. My existence in this world hangs by a thread. I have a few loose ends to tie up, and then...where will I go? Who will have me? The natives? Flail? I...refuse to give into my hate and become a monster. If I have any other option, I will take it.
I must leave maya, that much is obvious. Just one more vessel, another shipment of fools to serve in my shattered court. I need as many as I can get. Perhaps at least one of them has potential.
Potential? POTENTIAL? What am I saying? These mortal scum cannot amount to anything more than cattle. They are to be used, and then harvested when their use has expired. My lord was wrong. This way is the only true way - the only way to ensure our survival. My oath be damned - I hold no respect for that which was sworn under threat of destruction. I already know that the Merchant will not have me back - so what do I care now?
***
Izza, 1656
The bird sitting in his nest above me said that he saw land. Yay! No more sea. I was getting so bored. We are going to stop sailing soon, and then I can go and buy a new hat.
I can see the new world now. It looks like the old world but it has more trees. I thought it would be all funny colours!
***
Aestar, 1656
So it arrives. This last ship of fools. Before, I would welcome this harvest with open arms. Now I hide in the shadows and lurk out of sight. I wonder what filth and madness awaits me today? I must watch and let the idiots show themselves for what they are.
Hmm. A young girl. Carefree and innocent. And she appears to have no parent or guardian - perhaps she has fled here to escape some terrible tragedy? Perhaps she is on the run from the authorities? Perhaps she merely wants to taste the adventure and excitement of the new world. I will show her such sights, and corrupt her so utterly.
***
Izza, 1656
I met a pretty shiny angel called the Star Mother. She was so nice to me and protected me from a bad person. She said I was very special and that she would be my guardian angel. Then she said something about polishing and potential but I didn't know what she meant. She asked me a question that she said was very important and I told her because she was so nice. She then did something funny with her hands and I felt all funny and then she said I should talk to her whenever I wanted to and she would listen.
I can't wait for tomorrow. She said I should go to bed now because of all the excitement. She told me to try talking to her when I go to bed. I don't know what to say though! Maybe I should tell her about daddy and the farm and the chickens.
***
Aestar, 1656
Interesting. This one is different. So innocent. So magnificently devoid of pain or sadness or guilt or hate. So refreshingly pure. Her mind may be weak, but her soul is so very strong. She reminds me of...her. A pale shadow, but unmistakeably similar. I wonder if this girl is a distant descendent? Whatever the case, I cannot afford to lose her. I made her my own immediately. She did not even question it. How delicious - the taste of innocent, uncorrupted flesh. I must cultivate this. Empower it. Perhaps through the blank slate of her carefree mind I can finally find absolution and peace? I must protect this Isobel Veran from the world. There are those who would seek to take advantage of her, to use her to further their aims. I will guard over her, as long as there is power within this body.
***
Izza, 1656
I saw a rock!!! It spoke to me and I giggled because it was a talking rock and I poked it and it giggled and it was so great. I love the new world. Star Mother says tomorrow we are going on a journey with some of her friends. She made herself look all strange, like a snake. She says I can get a new hat when we get there. I can't wait!
Ugh. Why is it worryingly easy to slip into the mindset of both these characters despite them almost being polar opposites? Hopefully I managed to capture the painful sense of unwitting, innocent tragedy surrounding Izza's journey to the new world, and our dear Jezebitch's dark, scheming angsty descent into hate surrounding her failure to attain redemption.
Aestar, 1654
I picked up another today. I found him in a pool of his own vomit in the gutter, lost within the labyrinthe of his own empty intoxicated mind. Scum. Always scum. I suppose it shouldn't be any other way - only the lowest of the low, the most pathetic disgusting filth, would even consider joining one such as me. My reign presides over only idiots, heretics and madmen - the mind-addled and the hopeless.
More and more vessels cross the maelstrom, carrying fresh stock from the homelands. I am shortly to relocate to the other side of this continent - according to my contacts, who seem more than enthusiastic and welcoming, their land is far more fertile and ripe for me to spread the seeds of corruption. This can only be good for us. My Lord will undoubtably be pleased by my success so far - perhaps I can surprise him with yet another harvest of 'converts'?
Oh. I hate myself. It should not have to be like this. But it is the only way. I cannot tell my brother the truth - not yet. To do so would be to undo all I have worked towards.
***
Izza, 1654
A tree fell down and bumped daddy on the head and he didn't get up and I cried lots but he still didn't get up and it made me very very sad and now I don't have a daddy or a mummy and I only have chickens but they aren't very nice to talk to because all they say are bird noises from their funny yellow triangle mouths. I wish my chickens would talk to me. Maybe one day I can find a bird person to talk to.
Daddy used to say I was strong and brave. So did Father Donaldson who wasn't my daddy even though he was called father. He said I should go to find adventure and a new life in the new world where I wouldn't have to look after chickens. He said it's what daddy would have wanted me to do. If daddy wanted me to do it then I probably should do it.
I need to take my warmest clothes because one day I am going across the sea into the big swirly storm and the sea is cold and full of monsters and demons and if I am going to fall off the end of the world I should make sure I am warm and well dressed because monsters don't eat good girls who look smart and clean.
***
Aestar, 1655
So I wait here for yet another vessel to arrive. Today or tomorrow. Or next week, perhaps. I care not. Unlike those whom I walk amongst, I need not rest nor sleep, and care not for the passage of time. Each shipment brings more cattle, and I as keeper of my Lord's slaughterhouse must reap this grim harvest of souls.
Oh, to think that I once reaped souls for another entirely more wholesome master. And was proud of my grisly task. Would I go back, had I the chance?
Of course - without a moment's hesitation. To feel the warm embrace of their love, to look into the light and know the divine imperative once more...
I cannot allow such feelings. That was then. This is now. I cannot go back. My only imperative is to survive.
***
Izza, 1655
I am nearly packed and ready to go and soon I will travel across the sea all the way to the new world and I will meet funny tree people and talking rocks and snakes and bugs and make friends with them and then we can all be happy together.
Father Donaldson says I don't need to worry about the farm because everything will be ok and he will look after it for me and I shouldn't think about it because I should think about the happy place I am going to with all the friends I will make.
***
Aestar, 1655
The latest vessel brought yet more putrid effluence into my waiting arms - the most disgusting reprehensible surface run-off from the teeming millions of shining bright souls who populate the homeland. But there is hope - amidst the filth I found a vaguely promising one - he is capable of forming both coherent sentences and has even shown the occasional spark of intellect. Of course, his mind is addled by the ravages of the blue dust - but I think he has potential. Perhaps I will share with him a little more than the others. Perhaps I will show him the truth, and the true light. He could amount to something. He could be special. Powerful. His soul will shine with the light of a thousand stars, and burn with unbridled passion and fury. I will guide him towards his full potential.
Oh Merchant, do I not still do your work? Why have you rejected me? I only did what she asked - the last request of a dying woman who I dared to love. One mistake should not be enough to damn me forever!
***
Izza, 1655
Father Donaldson sent me to find someone who will take me to the new world. He said the captain is very nice and friendly, but I will need to nega-negi-nego-talk to him about how much money it will cost.
He is so nice to me. I will be sad when I am in the new world. But it's ok because I can talk to the funny rocks and trees and bugs and they will all be nice to me as well.
I wonder what a talking rock sounds like? Or a talking tree. I can't wait to find out. I need to close my eyes lots when I go across the sea so that I don't see the bad things waiting for me. Father Donaldson said if I don't talk to them, they can't hurt me. I wonder what bad things look like.
***
Aestar, 1655
No.
Not like this. I was so close. I walked amongst them. They were willing to listen. Even Varas was receptive - or at least, not entirely dismissive - regarding my plight. I had nicely cultivated a balance. Why...WHY? I have been betrayed by the stupidity of those mind-addled dragonsuckers. Now I am bound to my brother, connected to the world only through his mercy. It is my only chance at redemption. My only opportunity to have a hope of going back. I have willingly neutered myself in the name of the Merchant. I can do his work once more - they will see. I can prove myself. I can show that I am still an angel of light.
***
Izza, 1656
Today was boring. I don't like the sea anymore. It was all wet and stormy and I felt sick and then I was sick in my hat and it was all ruined and when I tried to clean it the wind blew really strongly and then it blew out of my hand and fell into the sea and I asked the captain to go back but he said he couldn't because we were passing through the gates of the -something I didn't understand because it was too long- into the other world and demons were waiting to eat our souls if we stopped praying for even a moment so he didn't have time to worry about anything so silly and now I don't have a hat.
I hope I can find a new hat when we get there because I will be sad if I don't. But I won't think about that because then I won't be thinking about the light of the true gods and the captain said if I do that then I will let all the bad things into my head and then he will have to throw me into the sea and I don't want that to happen so I will think about the gods instead.
I wonder what colour the Smith is. I think he should be pink. I like pink. There aren't enough pink things on this boat, apart from people but they aren't really very pink right now. They look all pale and green and unhappy. I should probably go to sleep now because it's very tiring thinking about things like the gods and I'm very tired.
***
Aestar, 1656
And so, it comes to this. Damn you, brother. Even you have betrayed me. Your hate has cast me aside, just as the hate of the gods did so many years ago. I know now I can never go back. There is nothing left of the creature of light I once was - you have stripped me of all I had. I have nowhere to turn. Nowhere to go. My existence in this world hangs by a thread. I have a few loose ends to tie up, and then...where will I go? Who will have me? The natives? Flail? I...refuse to give into my hate and become a monster. If I have any other option, I will take it.
I must leave maya, that much is obvious. Just one more vessel, another shipment of fools to serve in my shattered court. I need as many as I can get. Perhaps at least one of them has potential.
Potential? POTENTIAL? What am I saying? These mortal scum cannot amount to anything more than cattle. They are to be used, and then harvested when their use has expired. My lord was wrong. This way is the only true way - the only way to ensure our survival. My oath be damned - I hold no respect for that which was sworn under threat of destruction. I already know that the Merchant will not have me back - so what do I care now?
***
Izza, 1656
The bird sitting in his nest above me said that he saw land. Yay! No more sea. I was getting so bored. We are going to stop sailing soon, and then I can go and buy a new hat.
I can see the new world now. It looks like the old world but it has more trees. I thought it would be all funny colours!
***
Aestar, 1656
So it arrives. This last ship of fools. Before, I would welcome this harvest with open arms. Now I hide in the shadows and lurk out of sight. I wonder what filth and madness awaits me today? I must watch and let the idiots show themselves for what they are.
Hmm. A young girl. Carefree and innocent. And she appears to have no parent or guardian - perhaps she has fled here to escape some terrible tragedy? Perhaps she is on the run from the authorities? Perhaps she merely wants to taste the adventure and excitement of the new world. I will show her such sights, and corrupt her so utterly.
***
Izza, 1656
I met a pretty shiny angel called the Star Mother. She was so nice to me and protected me from a bad person. She said I was very special and that she would be my guardian angel. Then she said something about polishing and potential but I didn't know what she meant. She asked me a question that she said was very important and I told her because she was so nice. She then did something funny with her hands and I felt all funny and then she said I should talk to her whenever I wanted to and she would listen.
I can't wait for tomorrow. She said I should go to bed now because of all the excitement. She told me to try talking to her when I go to bed. I don't know what to say though! Maybe I should tell her about daddy and the farm and the chickens.
***
Aestar, 1656
Interesting. This one is different. So innocent. So magnificently devoid of pain or sadness or guilt or hate. So refreshingly pure. Her mind may be weak, but her soul is so very strong. She reminds me of...her. A pale shadow, but unmistakeably similar. I wonder if this girl is a distant descendent? Whatever the case, I cannot afford to lose her. I made her my own immediately. She did not even question it. How delicious - the taste of innocent, uncorrupted flesh. I must cultivate this. Empower it. Perhaps through the blank slate of her carefree mind I can finally find absolution and peace? I must protect this Isobel Veran from the world. There are those who would seek to take advantage of her, to use her to further their aims. I will guard over her, as long as there is power within this body.
***
Izza, 1656
I saw a rock!!! It spoke to me and I giggled because it was a talking rock and I poked it and it giggled and it was so great. I love the new world. Star Mother says tomorrow we are going on a journey with some of her friends. She made herself look all strange, like a snake. She says I can get a new hat when we get there. I can't wait!
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-20 03:08 pm (UTC)That's brilliant.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-20 04:16 pm (UTC)There should be more discussions about what colour the gods are. It's like theology and blasphemy all rolled together in one adorably simple package...
Yay Maelstrom! Discourse is really soon now! Must go sort out kit, so I can work out how not to kill myself with safety-pins...